remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
