it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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