Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
