I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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