He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
