I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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