if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
