it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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