I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
