it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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