Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
