Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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