On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
