I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
