Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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