last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
love makes seman taste better
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
