i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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