It's Friday. Sex?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
