You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
