oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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