So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
