dude i'm inner monologue high
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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