I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
