I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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