so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
