What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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