I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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