There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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