I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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