Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
