walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's the barista slut.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
