This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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