I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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