It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
