I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
