I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
