i was born a porn star she said
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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