i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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