I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
