She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
