After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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