thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
