how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
