I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize