At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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