Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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