Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
