She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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