Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
