im drinking this country out of the recession.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
