You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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