I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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