can we get nightvision for the apartment?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
