just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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