I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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