I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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