Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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