Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize