my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So apparently I’m into choking now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
