At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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