Dual....:-)
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize