hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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