yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
