You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
