There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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