I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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