the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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