Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
