So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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