Kiss
Puke
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
